In today’s episode we talk about the need to be saved. Some of us have a habit of looking outside of ourselves for the answers or for someone else to save the day, whether that be financially, emotionally and/or spiritually. Today we discuss how to move through that and be your own Princess Charming. We hope you’ll enjoy!
Candace: Hello girls.
Candace: How are we today?
Natalie: Very good.
Candace: Okay, so today I think we will be talking about, I mean, I don’t really have a succinct way to say it, but when we are looking outside of ourselves for someone or something to save us. So whether that be financially, emotionally, spiritually, we’re just looking outside of ourselves for someone to take care of us. So before we start, did you have a card Natalie?
Natalie: I do. Today’s card is Princess Charming. It says, I am my own Princess Charming. I no longer wait for Prince Charming to ride up on his trusty white horse. Instead, I take the horse by the reigns, loving myself and taking care of my own financial security. I didn’t even know I had this card in my deck and it came out. I was like, oh my gosh. In this way. I make sure I am safe as I move through this amazing world. This process is an important step in my empowerment and expansion as a woman. By taking the reigns of my life. I integrate the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine Energies within my own being. I honor the strengths and gifts of both these energies into my own lived experience.
Candace: I know that I say all the time, but that really couldn’t be more perfect. It’s a card with a beautiful message. I love that.
Dani: The perfect message. I love it.
Candace: Okay. So today’s topic came about because it’s something that I have recently realized that I was doing. So I’ve mentioned before that I’m recently separated and it’s been a bit of a roller coaster in terms of today’s topic and where I’m at. I spent many, many years being a stay at home mom and then when I started my business, my business was the side income and I didn’t need to be responsible for the bills and the day to day, you know, it was the extra money. And so when I realized that we were going to separate for sure and I was going to be responsible for myself and my daughter financially, 100 percent me. I kind of started through this process and it started out with fear and I guess anxiety, just not knowing that I could do it, not believing in myself that I would be okay, not trusting in spirit that it would all be okay and I kind of got up to the top of this rollercoaster and I was on fire. It was like, I got this, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this. I have it all figured out and no one is getting in my way. I am a rockstar and it is all going to work perfectly. And then, I moved and I got here and there was a situation that came about, they kind of… I don’t want to say took me back to kinds of bottom of the rollercoaster, it didn’t take me back, but it was just being in that situation again.
Candace: So I found myself back in that sort of familiar dynamic and that energy and I immediately slipped back into looking for someone else to take care of me. And I didn’t realize it in the moment. I had no awareness about it. I just knew that I was low energy, I was frustrated, I was angry, and I was playing the victim. And a very wise woman said to me, you know, there might be a little victim going on here. And I was like, Oh yes, yes there is.
And so I started to ask myself the questions. Why am I in victim mode? Why am I acting this way and feeling this way? I knew the situation kind of took me back to that place, but why was I allowing it to devour me? And it all boiled down to me wanting to be saved again. Me wanting to be taken care of. Me looking to others to fix the situation. Me Looking to others for financial support and really losing faith and trust in myself that I could do this. And it was a pretty big wakeup call for me to realize that I had been through it and I thought I was past it. And here I was again, back in this space of looking to be saved. And not only was I in that space, but it was sort of like derailing my entire life.
Me looking to others to save me was creating almost like torment in my life. It was showing up with the low energy, with the negativity with everything that doesn’t feel good and having that awareness, I was like, okay, well how do I, how do I get myself out of this? What do I do? So I mean, I kind of came to some solutions for that, for myself. But before we dive into like, what do you do with that? Did you guys have anything that you wanted to say about looking outside of yourself and trusting in yourself and looking to be saved? Whether it be financially, spiritually, emotionally, anything to add?
Dani: Yeah, I just, I was identifying with just about every single word you were saying and have found myself in the situations again and again and again. And I did write a poem about it. So maybe we’ll add that the, what section is it Natalie?
Candace: Conversations With Spirit
Dani: Let’s add it to conversations with spirit about, you know, surely, and getting to the end of the line and like seeing how I wanted people to save me again and again and again and I, and then, and then finally I’m on this spiritual journey. So then it’s like, well, certainly spirit will save me. I’m sure Spirit’s going to save me. Right? Like these people, I can’t rely on them to save me, but certainly spirit will. So I’m just, I’m really so thoroughly identifying with every single thing that you’re saying and being in that situation. And I know for me looking at, you know, we do what we do for very good reasons also.
So, looking at how it benefited me to be, if I would, the benefit of going into victim is that people will come and help take care of me. And how I had developed that and it’s a hard thing to look at for yourself and, but to realize that I was actually getting some power from that situation and I was also getting the help that I actually did need, you know? So it’s really. Yeah. I’m just really so identifying with everything Candace and I know a lot of people will,
Natalie: So yeah, we’ve, we’ve spoken before like privately, not on a podcast about this and so like I feel that I’m sort of in the other extreme. So when we talked about it, like as friends last time we were talking about this kind of looking for others to save us, the story that comes to my mind is when I suffered from PTSD after the birth of my second child and when I did, I needed someone to save me. I was in a really, really dark place. I couldn’t see the light and every place I turned for support a door closed. And so I was just kind of grasping at anyone to save me and in the end, I can remember going to the doctors one day, and it had taken so much to like show up there and own the situation and say what the truth of what was going on was. And they just kind of dismissed me and sent me away. And I can remember coming out and just sobbing to my husband. Like knowing that this was like me really, like begging for help and to just have the door closed on you just destroyed me.
So at that moment, I can remember it so clearly, I was just like, no one can save me. I have to do this myself. And I knew I had to like ultimately I probably did unless I wanted to go on medication and just then rely on that to save me. I had to, I had to go within and save myself. So I did with the help of some people in the end. But the point is, since then I’m really passionate about not, not relying on anyone else and trusting yourself and going within and not being reliant on other people. And it’s something that I’ve tried to teach my kids in the sense of like I don’t want to save them. I want them to grow up trusting in themselves and knowing that they have the power to change anything. But it’s funny because since that conversation I know that I had something come up personally and Dani kind of showed me how, in fact I will, it’s not me, like through it a more evolved like it’s a completely different issue. On the opposite end of the spectrum, so it’s like either you’re looking for people to save you, oh, you’re in my position where you don’t let anyone in to save you, so when people could help you,
Dani described me as like an island. I’m like doing my thing for alone and it’s like a great big vault. So I don’t relate to what you’re saying and I mean I do from the sense of where I was, but kind of where I am now. Like I just, I’m just like “I don’t need anyone”. Not a good thing, but…
Candace: You’re slowly letting people in now.
Natalie: Thank you. I am trying. Yeah,
Candace: There’s a bridge to the island now. There’s gates. But there’s a bridge. So I mean you had kind of already touched on it, Dani, but I was thinking about how victim is so intertwined with wanting to be saved. Like if you can’t have, you can’t have it without the victim hood. You can’t have it without being in that energy of a victim.
And it really is a way to keep yourself playing small and hiding. You know, if someone is always coming in to save the day, if you always have that Prince Charming coming in and you’re not believing in yourself and trusting in yourself, it’s really a way to keep yourself hidden. So, a lot of the stuff that we’ve already talked about before, like the episode “This Is Me”, coming in and owning your power by looking for others to save you. You’re really just keeping that space kind of sacred, you know, it allows you to give your power to other people. And I mean, I guess that’s kind of opposites, right? You’re giving your power away to other people and yet you are getting control and power over others by being the victim. So I’m not sure how it can be opposites at the same time, but it kind of is. Do you guys have…
Dani: Yeah, it’s martyrdom, right? Or at its most extreme. It’s martyrdom. Like I’m sacrificing myself and I have the moral high ground and I have the righteousness and I have the control really ultimately, right?
Candace: Yes. Yes. So you get the, you know, you have these situations, you get the awareness about it. You realize that’s not who I want to be. I don’t want to be powerless. I don’t want to be the victim. I want to take control of my life. I want to be in charge of my own destiny. I want to fall in love with myself. So what are some ways that we can do that? For me, recently in this most recent experience, it was making a choice. So I realized what it was and I decided Eff this, I am not going to be the victim. I am not looking to someone else to save me. I am a strong, independent, powerful woman and I am going to f***ing do this s**t on my own. And I repeated that to myself, A LOT. Because to go from that really, really low victim energy into “This is me” energy. It’s a pretty big gap. And so I repeated that mantra to myself a lot. I am powerful. I will not be a victim, I will not be a victim.
And I know that’s kind of using a negative in terms of spiritual speak and you’re supposed to use positives and whatever. But that was the reminder of what I didn’t want to be and knew that I needed that. Like the strength of that rather than, Oh, I want to be something. I want to be independent. I mean, yes, I do want to be independent, but it’s much, much stronger for me that I don’t want to be a victim. So you girls have anything that you might do or that you know about to get yourself out of save mode?
Dani: I love, I love what you said so much. And it is powerful to know so clearly what you don’t want. And it just acts to clarify what you do want. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong for one minute about declaring out loud repeatedly what you don’t want in that energy to get you to that place. Because it’s, like you said, it’s a big, it’s not a little baby step to get from. If I’m helpless, people will do stuff for me and save me too. I’m going to do this s**t on my own and I don’t need anybody else to come and save me. I have all the resources I need. I have all the power that I need, I have everything right here and I’m going to step up and do this.
So like you said, Candace, I feel like you just described really the whole process for transformation no matter what it is, which is you said you have an awareness, so you notice, and then you make a different decision and then you kind of affirm, you kind of build your faith on the way there. And that’s really kind of in a nutshell that you just laid out the process for transformation for anything really. And taking those steps. I feel like that is it. Music is one of those things that will shift my energy. And this is it. This is me, uh, listening to that, listening to music like that will help shift my energy. But like you said, you can’t do anything if you don’t have the awareness and you also can’t do anything if you’re not ready to make the choice.
Because there are some people who will have the awareness and still not quite at the place where they’re ready to make that decision. And there can be days, months, even years, where you can have an awareness and be not, be ready to make that choice. And so, we’ll just kind of honor ourselves, kind of in the middle of that journey. But when you’re there and you’re like, I have the awareness and I’m making the choice, like, that’s a powerful… Like if you’re a fighter that’s a one, two punch, like your enemy is going to have a hard time coming back from that because it’s the awareness with the decision. And then just following it up with whatever helps you.
Which is affirmations. Being around people who do it. Being around people who have done it and who are supporting themselves and who are powerful. Being around people who support you. Being around people who put you in the energy of anything’s possible, they can do it, I can do it being run the energy of people who believe in you specifically who lift you up and know you and will not let you kind of… who kinda hold that mirror and say, well, I know you as powerful, so good luck with that other story. Like you can… We can all dip down emotionally into a victim mode for moments at a time or whatever and you can go for a visit but you we’re not going to let you like set up your house and live there because we don’t see you as that. So you’re not really that around us or whatever. Like there’s a lot of things like that that we can do and I think it comes back to again, repeated awareness.
Because if we don’t notice and we also can’t expect ourselves to just flip the switch one day. Like you said, there’s back and forth in the journey. There’s always going to be, you know, one step forward, two steps back sometimes to have grace for ourselves. Going back to the other podcasts, we were talking about expectations of self and when Natalie brought up expectations. Expectations of self and being easy with ourselves, being loving with ourselves, especially in transition, which is so hard. Those are all things that really help me kind of in this journey that continually on of letting go of the journey to really empowerment and to just taking full responsibility for… not for everything that’s happened but for how I react to it and how I deal with it and how I carried myself like now.
Candace: Love that.
Natalie: Totally agree. As you were talking Candace, I wrote some things down as to what I did and it literally mirrors exactly what Dani said. So it’s like, first of all, it’s the awareness and then it’s sort of like the acceptance of where you are and not making yourself wrong for where you are because I think you need to be able to embrace that before you’re able to really shift it. So really allowing yourself to sit there, but like Dani said, not making a home out of it, knowing that this isn’t permanent and not allowing it to be permanent. And then it’s being ready to make a different decision. And like Dani said, there might be a length of time before that comes, comes about.
And that’s why it’s so important to be okay with where you are because until you do that, you’re not going to be ready to make a different decision. And then I wrote affirmations, like I am powerful, I am infinite. I’m important. Like it’s all those things. It’s like that moment when I can remember exactly where I was in the car. I can like… literally on the street where I was when I literally made that decision. So it was like when Dani said, that moment is powerful, when you flip that switch. I will never forget that moment. Like it was like, you know, put me on an island, but it’s taken me out of victim hood, who knows what will be the next thing. And the other thing is like, it’s really like, and it’s with the presence, it’s about the accepting where you are, but it’s the being present with that. It’s not allowing yourself to get in fear of the future. It’s not allowing yourself to judge from the past.
It’s literally just sitting in it and being okay and when you do that, you can then try and then you go, you’re able to see that you are not willing to accept this anymore. Because you’re not living in that future or past. You are literally here going, this is no longer. Okay, I got goosebumps. I choose to change this right now. And the other thing as Dani said, so being careful about who you and what you allow in your space when you’re in that time. Because if you’re allowing in energies that facilitate that, then the chance of you getting out is going to make it 10 times more difficult.
Candace: I’ll add to… You just reminded me and it’s, it’s a really good point. And it’s hugely important. Both things actually. So you said embrace where you are. So for me, I mean, when I say this was recent for me, I’m talking like this week I’m coming out on the other end of this from I think Monday. So I think it was Monday and I realized thanks to Dani. So the part two of what you had said is having people around you to support you and lift you up even when you’re feeling bad.
So I reached out to both of you and Dani brought about some awareness of maybe, what I was saying was coming from a place of victimhood and you are absolutely correct. So that ignited the awareness. But then in addition to that, both of you gave me such loving support that it was just okay to be where I was in that moment. And I went and I laid down in my bed and I watched tv for a bit and then I slept for four hours and I woke up feeling a little bit better, but my normal go-to would have been to push through. I’m just going to push through. I’m just going to ignore the fact that I’m in victim mode. I’m going to go and find all of the experiences in the world to affirm that I’m a victim.
And instead I just accepted, you know, what I am, I am feeling really low energy today. I am in victim mode and I’m just going to lay down. And in doing so. And it was that moment of acceptance, accepting that that’s where I am and I’m okay with that. And if I’m there for a day fine and if I’m there for two days, fine. If I’m, you know, however long it is, obviously I wouldn’t really want it to go much longer than that. But whatever it is, I am okay with that and I’m just going to be there with it, embrace it for now. And when I’m ready, push through and the next morning I woke up and I was like, okay, so if I’m not, if I’m not in save mode anymore and I’m not in victim mode anymore than what do I need to do?
I need to take action, I need to, make a business plan, I need to get this done. And I got a bunch of stuff my house done and it was just about if that’s not who I am, then what does that look like? If I am not a victim, what does that look like? It means I need to do X, Y, and Z. If I’m responsible for myself solely financially, what does that look like? Oh, I need to do X, Y and Z and then go do it. So a big part of that for being was just take action. Like literally just take action. It doesn’t have to be anything. Huge. It doesn’t have to be, you know, it doesn’t have to be anything big, it just needs to be action. One step, one foot in front of the other.
Natalie: It sort of paralyzes you, doesn’t it?
Candace: Yes, it does. Then you’re in that constant cycle. Expectation, Disappointment, Victim. It’s all connected.
Dani: Yeah. Because the momentum goes either way, right? If, if that’s what we’re feeding, then that’s what the swirl, that momentum works for, the negative as well as the positive and it works for pulling you to kind of down deeper or allowing you to raise, you know, higher and higher than, than have been before. I love what you’re saying. I love how in probably almost every podcast that we do at some point we come to the power of the present moment.
At some moment in every podcast we talk about this and I just feel like it’s a theme and we revisit it again and again and again, but as people who are consciously working on the journey and evolution and increasing awareness and enlightenment, if you will. It’s just one of those things that comes around and it cannot be overemphasized because we know all the cliches are true. Now is the only time we have. The past is an illusion. The future is a projection. We have right now. That’s why they call it the present because it is literally all that we have and I love how it keeps coming around again and again and again. No matter what we’re talking about and it’s such a good reminder. And the last time we brought it up, even we were like, I’m going to put it on a sticky note like note to self, your mind, be present, be present in the moment.
But I feel like every time we do it said new sticky note for my mind of the power of presence and that all of this comes up in the present. The emotion that comes up, the triggers, the feelings, the whether you’re going to numb and avoid or whether you’re going to be present with it so that that’s the only way it really moves through. When we avoid and we deny, we know it gets stuck, it gets stuck in the body energetically and then that can manifest even physically. Right? But when we’re just with it and we allow ourselves to move through it, then that’s where the real power is and you can only do it in the present moment. Only time where it really, really happens for transformation or anything is in the present. And that’s why when you were talking about what you do to get out of it, it’s always the awareness first, it’s always that moment of look what I’m doing here, and do I want to choose this or do I not want to choose this? And then, and then it’s like knowing that you do have the power to choose something different and maybe you choose something different today and then you fall back tomorrow or whatever and giving yourself grace. But it’s always a choice. Yeah.
Candace: So did you girls have anything else to add before we close out?
Dani: No, I think it was, I think it was beautiful.
Candace: Okay. So for everybody listening, you can find us at followingsoulspiration.com. Uh, we are on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, so you can subscribe, check out our website. We’ve got some channeled messages on there under Conversations With Spirit. So check us out and thanks for listening. Bye Girls.